Disintegrate

rate

the week's been pretty alright.. slept alot recently, and i actually did some school work.. *grinz* im proud of myself... hahaha!!

dad's back in Singapore from Oman... had a talk with him 2 days ago.. and he was telling me how he's not going back to Oman.. cos the people wants a more permanent person to work, like someone thats able to stay there for a long period of time.. daddy cant, he cant commit cos of my family back in singapore.. and i guess the weather's kinda killing him.. the lifestyle in Oman is alright according to him, but i guess, with such hot weather, and he's getting on age.. yeah.. so better not..

He has to make a decision whether he wants to work in Mauritius. Got a job offer there, but its also for a long period of time. he has to be stationed there for 2yrs.. he dont really want it cos Mauritius is far.. its a very nice place, but its tooo far.. He wants to work in SE Asia cos its nearer to home... if there's anything, at least he can rush home.. im just feeling very depressed when i talk to him.. i cried.. cos i dont know what to tell him.. i just want to graduate soon, and i dont want to depend on my daddy... the pressure, toil and sweat that he went thru.. i think its time for me to look after my dad soon.. once i grad, i want to find a job.. i want to be able to support daddy and mummy.. i want to be able to stand on my own 2 feet..

that dont sound like me.. i know.. *smiles* my friends know how i can spend $500 on doing my hair every time i go back to SG, how i can shop and spend hundreds of dollars in less than 2hrs... how i can go shopping every other day back in singapore.. but im changing.. at least im trying to change.. last june when i went back, i didnt spend as much as my dad expected me to. He actually set aside money for me to spend.. gosh.. im such a spoilt brat.. thats why, i should mellow down.. if not next time my hubby will suffer... sigh~

on a more serious note.. i dont know whether i should go back or stay back in Perth.. this november may mark the end of my journey here in perth.. i may go back for good.. i dont know.. should i? at least i dont have to take a post grad course if i were to apply for PR... thats for sure.. but.. whats my future here in Perth??? i adore this place.. seriously.. the lifestyle, the people here especially.. The place i call home, Zion Praise Harvest.

But i know, i should really make this decision myself.. Im just confused. 1 hand i want to go home to Singapore, cos there's where mummy and korkor are.. granny is not feeling too well too.. had a fall, and mummy's health is getting from bad to worst.. i know that if i were to go back to Singapore, i can find a job easily.. daddy and godmum has lottas contacts... but here?

i've given myself a time period.. i will packed all my stuff this november and try to bring back as much stuff as possible.. the rest i will ask aunty to courier it back if im not coming back to Perth. i will make the decision by the end of oct.. No matter what, i reckon i still need to make a trip back to Perth in March.. i will prepare and try to apply for PR.. if i get my PR by July, i will look for a job as well.

i dont want to be idling too long.. i seriously dont want to take any more money from daddy.. i MUST NOT rely on my own strength, my own intuition, i must rely on HIM... He will guide me, He will bring me and lead my path. He will provide.