Disintegrate

rate

just came back to Singapore yesterday... the feeling is... indescribeable.. *sigh*

the moment the plane landed onto Changi Airport, my first thought was "i want to go back to Perth" that sounds weird hey.. since singapore has all the attractions, all the yummilious food, all the shopping and everything.. But, all these no longer pull me back to this country anymore.. I feel as though i dont really belong here, and when i was walking thru Changi Airport, i was thinking "what m i going to do for the next 3months here?"

To me, Perth has already became my home.. my friends are there, and basically, my "family" is in Perth as well.. to people that knows me, im not really close to my family back in Singapore.. Moreover, i went abroad when i was... 16yrs old?? and around that age, i didnt had much friends in Singapore.. my close friend mabel is now studying abroad, and like there's only a couple of friends that im sortta close with here in Singapore..

Alot of people yearn to go back to their home countries and everything.. whenever i see the excitment in them, i felt lost.. I too, want to feel the excitment whenever i board the plane and head back to singapore, i want that sortta feeling.. But, naahhh.... maybe cos i dont have a good relationship with my family, and have little friends here.. so ya, Singapore now seems more of a holiday destination for me rather than a place that i can stay forever..

Messaged Pastor Joyce yesterday to tell her how much i miss her.. hahahaha.. sounds abit silly but ya, i dont know why, i miss Pastor Patrick and Pastor Joyce, Renee and Kaitlyn alot... they've just became a part of me in my life... people that are concern about my wellbeing and everything.. it feels so nice just to be loved by them..
Pastor Joyce smsed be back and asked me to continue to grow with God, and she misses me too.. hahahaha.. how sweet hey.. it was then that i told myself "fel, as much as u want to play, make sure u dont backslide..."

i've promised maggie that i wont backslide... i've promised myself too... this holiday, i will use these 3mths to make myself grow closer and stronger with God.. and not drift further away from him... *smiles*

examinations!!!! this hopefully would be one of the last few times that im going thru them.. exams are fun hey... its the time where i get to actually read what im supposed to know... i cant do consistent studying, i belong to the group of people who studies last minute, and just go into the exam hall and whack whatever i know... ha!!!

really enjoyed this study period.. like 3 weeks ago when we started studying together at engineering bldg with the rest of my crazi brothers and sisters from ZPH... its like the whole tension of exams are not there... we are always taking breaks talking nonsense, learning cantonese (from dearest joey), eating NON STOP... just love u guys so much mannn... although we dont really study alot, budden i believe its thru this period of time that we actually bonded with each other so well... thanks babes and dudes... for creating the entire studying atmosphere such a fun and happening thing!!!!

i've got Tourism Marketing paper tml.. hopefully i can score distinction for it.. friday will be the day that i dread most.. Marketing Research + Auditing... then my last paper, Accounting 261 will be on next tuesday...
im scared for the audit paper... although i understand what i've studied so far, im just so afraid of going into the exam hall and blank out... (which i always do)
i dont want to repeat this unit.. i dont want to repeat any units.. i just want to graduate and everything... not that im tired of studying, but i dont want to add any more financial burdens upon my daddy's shoulders... i just want to do my best... and just graduate...

sigh~ doubt i will be sleeping early tonight again... need to make sure that i understand every single bit of tourism marketing before i can actually rest.. been sleeping more than studying today cos of the weather... was so hot that i just lay in bed and slept all day long.. ha! such a PIG!!!!!

Father Lord, i pray for every single one of my brothers and sisters that are going thru examinations... Father, i pray that u will guide them, i pray that they will lean not on their own knowledge, but to depend on You. for U will bring guidance. i pray that we will not panic during this period of time, but learn to Trust in YOU. i pray that You will bless our rest, bless the times that we study, bless our health..
Father Lord, let us be assured that You are next to us during our exams, during our studies, during our meals, during our rest... Father, i pray that u will bless us with good results that people will know that it is You that gains all glory for these results, and not ourselves.. i pray all these in your name, AMEN!

miracles after miracles... *smiles* I believe in Miracles.. by just fully trusting in God, miracles will happen...
Last week's sermon in church is all about miracles happening.. on saturday service itself, i just realised all to God, cos i know that He will be able to seperate my red sea.. only HE alone can seperate all the red seas of my life...

Miracles that happened to me are uncountable.. from the time that i was given a chance to live.. since i was an unwanted child, but yet im still able to come on Earth.. thats a huge miracle.. for me to know Him... for me to come to Perth.. for me to go thru all the trials and tributions of my past... the miracle when i committed suicide and didnt die, the miracle of seeing my brother coming back to Christ, the miracle of seeing a non-believer actually prayed... all the miracles that i have had in life..

Thank you God.. for all of these.. thank you for bringing me to Zion Praise Harvest.. thank you for this blessed year.. thank you for my beloved CELL GROUP!!! mag, lynn, joey, ben, alvin, jeslyn, joe, tashinga, ruangano, shiela, janet, joseph, betty, wan ming, howard, georgement, yumi, sara, ros, lucius, christina... i love u guys so much!!!!!!! thank you Father for allowing me the chance to study, thank you for blessing me with a family... thank you.......