Disintegrate

rate

the week's been pretty alright.. slept alot recently, and i actually did some school work.. *grinz* im proud of myself... hahaha!!

dad's back in Singapore from Oman... had a talk with him 2 days ago.. and he was telling me how he's not going back to Oman.. cos the people wants a more permanent person to work, like someone thats able to stay there for a long period of time.. daddy cant, he cant commit cos of my family back in singapore.. and i guess the weather's kinda killing him.. the lifestyle in Oman is alright according to him, but i guess, with such hot weather, and he's getting on age.. yeah.. so better not..

He has to make a decision whether he wants to work in Mauritius. Got a job offer there, but its also for a long period of time. he has to be stationed there for 2yrs.. he dont really want it cos Mauritius is far.. its a very nice place, but its tooo far.. He wants to work in SE Asia cos its nearer to home... if there's anything, at least he can rush home.. im just feeling very depressed when i talk to him.. i cried.. cos i dont know what to tell him.. i just want to graduate soon, and i dont want to depend on my daddy... the pressure, toil and sweat that he went thru.. i think its time for me to look after my dad soon.. once i grad, i want to find a job.. i want to be able to support daddy and mummy.. i want to be able to stand on my own 2 feet..

that dont sound like me.. i know.. *smiles* my friends know how i can spend $500 on doing my hair every time i go back to SG, how i can shop and spend hundreds of dollars in less than 2hrs... how i can go shopping every other day back in singapore.. but im changing.. at least im trying to change.. last june when i went back, i didnt spend as much as my dad expected me to. He actually set aside money for me to spend.. gosh.. im such a spoilt brat.. thats why, i should mellow down.. if not next time my hubby will suffer... sigh~

on a more serious note.. i dont know whether i should go back or stay back in Perth.. this november may mark the end of my journey here in perth.. i may go back for good.. i dont know.. should i? at least i dont have to take a post grad course if i were to apply for PR... thats for sure.. but.. whats my future here in Perth??? i adore this place.. seriously.. the lifestyle, the people here especially.. The place i call home, Zion Praise Harvest.

But i know, i should really make this decision myself.. Im just confused. 1 hand i want to go home to Singapore, cos there's where mummy and korkor are.. granny is not feeling too well too.. had a fall, and mummy's health is getting from bad to worst.. i know that if i were to go back to Singapore, i can find a job easily.. daddy and godmum has lottas contacts... but here?

i've given myself a time period.. i will packed all my stuff this november and try to bring back as much stuff as possible.. the rest i will ask aunty to courier it back if im not coming back to Perth. i will make the decision by the end of oct.. No matter what, i reckon i still need to make a trip back to Perth in March.. i will prepare and try to apply for PR.. if i get my PR by July, i will look for a job as well.

i dont want to be idling too long.. i seriously dont want to take any more money from daddy.. i MUST NOT rely on my own strength, my own intuition, i must rely on HIM... He will guide me, He will bring me and lead my path. He will provide.

Search for a Star 2005... a day of performances by Zion Praise Harvest.. dance, singing, band, drama... a day i will never ever forget!!!!

its sooo different to be part of the act... its a very fresh experience for me.. and i've really learnt alot thru these.. i really love Foolz for Christ... no matter what mistakes we did, whether we sang too fast, (me!), forgot lines, forgot lyrics or anything.. but we know that as long as people enjoys it, and our heavenly Father is smiling down on us, we are happy...

Im happy that its over.. the practises, the tireness and everything.. all the hard work is really worth it when u actually hear the people laughing... and just participating when u are there on stage... its a very nerve-wrecking experience, but its one i will never forget.. in front of 1200 audiences, and in front of my heavenly daddy... its really GOOD!!!

the part where i was just reading the journal during the act, the part where mich and kelvin sang "come what may", i actually teared.. ha.. how embarrassing is that.. cos i realised its going to be all over soon...
went back home, i cried.. cos i realised its over.. there's this sadness tingling in me.. like "what m i going to do on tues and thurs now??" its the feeling of being forced to go back to school.. our holiday is over... sigh~ but i know, i enjoyed every moment of it.. from the tuesday and thursday practises, to the times that i had to practise to walk, projection of voice, i really love every moment of it!!!

just want to thank marianne and mich... thanks for teaching and guiding us.. u all may be quite strict at times, budden i know and im assured that im under good leadership..thanks babes!!! *hugs*

thanks joey and jes dearest.. thanks for being super on the ball for the props.. making the super nice props.. babes, your efforts are tremendous.. so is the whole backstage/props team!!!!

thanks the actors for co-ordinating sooo well!!!! hahahaha.. and to JOE, hahahaha.. hope ur back is feeling better..... *grinz* all of u guys acted superb!!!

roy ow old man, thanks for being such a good leader... i dont know what to say about u, budden ya, if u dont talk so much and dont always pull my ear, u are actually... ok la.. not nice.. but ok!!! *lol*

yeah.. i've uploaded the pics already... to every single performancers and every single one that helped for SFAS, u guys are super good!!!!!!!!! we shall all look forward to the next SFAS!!!!! *smiles*

yes, i've officially turned 20yrs old.. this entry will be one to thank my beloved sisters and bros.. gosh.. love u guys soo much!!!

THANKS people for the calls, the smses and all the super sweet wishess.. thanks jes, serene and melvin for the surprise.. although was the 3 of u guys only, budden i was really caught off hand.. hahaha...

THANKS my beloved cell members for the lovely cake and potbless.. hahahaha!!! magz, thanks for the necklace.. really love it!!! goes super well with my top hey!!! hahahaha..

THANKS jes and sandra for the pressie.. super low man the top.. dont know how to wear..!!! hahahaha.. budden i really like it alot.. thanks babes!!!

THANKS aunty and uncle for the super cutie PJs.. its PINK!!! hahahaha.. and came with sandals as well!!!

THANKS mabz for the lovely card!!! hahaha.. i've received it!!!

THANKS tyng for the sweet card too!!! *muacks*

thank you everyone... seriously!!! hahahaha.. i know im a super bimbo, still say why jack and meiyan not family and didnt join us in prayer.. sorry guys.. hahahaha!!! thanks for the pleasant surprise!!!! i was shocked when i saw the cake.. hahahaha!!! i love everyone of u guys.. my beloved drama family.. *muacks*

THANKS Ben & Chris for granting my bimbotic birthday wish!!! hahahaha.. i sat in a Honda Euro there, and i sat on Honda CRX back.. super shiokx man the feeling!!! hahahaha

THANKS everyone for the hugs and kisses!!! overwelmed by it!!! hehee.. love u guys very much.. i love this family.. I miss my family in SG, budden i know that u guys are god's given presents to me.. every single one of u guys..

alrighty.. Search for a Star is tomorrow..!!! hahahahaa.. super excited.. and scared.. die lah.. die lah.. scared scared scared!!!! i will be performing for everyone, and most importantly, for u Heavenly daddy...

Time.. time seems to be slipping pass me soo fast.. im not even done with 1, and there are like tonnes of other stuff piled up in front of me... assignments after assignments, tests after tests.. why dont i have time to complete them??? sigh~ i really dont know... i just really pray that i wont lose focus.. i wont procrastinate anymore...

Just had Marketing Research Mid Sem last week.. the test wasnt difficult at all.. but i just totally blank out when i saw the paper.. i know the answer, yet i just cant remember.. why? hai~ never mind, i believe God will provide.. i know he will.. i expected to fail for that test.. although the weightage is quite high, but i promised myself that i will really just do my best for the assignments and everything to just push up my marks..

Search for a Star.. an event held by my church, Zion Praise Harvest.. its a yearly event, and they have lottas performances.. from acting, singing, dancing, band performances.. everything.. we are not professionals, all we have are willing hearts to perform for our heavenly daddy... as much as we want people to come to see us perform up on stage, all glory goes to Him.. he gave us the ability to perform up on stage.. Like what Pastor Joyce said, we are not focusing on the numbers, we are focusing on how we can bring our friends to Him...

I want the whole auditorium to be packed, to be packed with enthusiatic people.. wanting to know who we are, and why we are doing this.. and our willing hearts... im performing myself too.. will be acting.. and sometimes, i will just want to take all glory to myself...

O well.. i believe God will bless every single one of us there.. He will be there, witnessing our every move.. laughing with us, clapping with us as well.. He will be there...

the title of tireness.. im feeling tired now.. seriously.. just very tired and tied down by this performance.. i admit i dont have proper time management, but sometimes, i just feel that im soo tired of practising.. i got ill and everything.. but today, when we were together for drama, i realised there were many tired souls tooo.. people that stayed up all day in school doing their work, people practising for their other performances, people that are rushing assignments/tests, people that are worried that the props would not be up in time.. its not me alone... all of us are in the team.. and i know, i shouldnt be feeling down or anything now.. i should just continue encouraging my darlings.. "CAN ONE..." "GOD'S GRACE.. EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE" like what lynn told me.. "at the end, everything will still be up one" yeah...!!!!!

I've got a test on tuesday, i've got 1 assignment due on thursday, and another on friday.. there goes fel' birthday.. hahahaha!!! nv mind, its ok.. used to it leiss.. when daddy asked me what i will be doing on my bday, i said "hopefully i will be done with my assignments, and then practise for drama, and then... nothing lo!!!" heehee.. its ok lah.. hahahaha...

o well.. time to go and wash up and sleep.. think i need to fetch old man to send his car in for servicing tml.. i need to exercise!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*

i just looovvvveee birthdays!!!! surprises, dinners, anythingg!!! super fun!!! tomorrow is aunty angie and lynn's bday... birthdays are such a significant day.. i just loovee birthdays!!!! heheee

aunty's bday today was super good.. we had steamboat and everything.. and lala (little laura) is such a sweetie pie... she actually just sit next to me and take picture with me.. and she's only 5.. super steady girl.. not afraid of anyting.. love her to the maaaxx!!!!

lynn's surprise was not much of a surprise.. sorry babez... hahahaha!!! i didnt know u were in the hall lahh... but hope u enjoyed yourself babe.. u've been such a lovable, encouraging and super nice to talk to person.. gosh... i love u woman!!! hahahaha!!!

ooo.. we had drama auditions today as welll.. the practises before werent that... stable??? we didnt really managed to do everything as planned.. BUT!!!! we worked super well for the auditions itself..!!! i didnt even know that we were actually really auditioning.. its all God's Grace... He just calm us and really let the whole drama flow sooo well... im really sick, but im really blessed that when i was acting and singing, there was sound.. hahahaha... i couldnt hear myself cos my ear was blocked, but i know thru Him, i would be able to do it.. He will give me strength... Foolz for Christ (FFC)..!!!! thats what drama team is!!!!! *smiles*

ooo... im also in dance... i think.. hahahaha.. i will join after SFAS.. hopefully my old woman bones wont break or anything!!! hehee.. just super fun man dance people.. they are super great bunch of people to hang out with.. super craps.. hahahaha!!!

alrighty.. time to wash up and go to sleep!!!! there's church tml.. hahahaha.. and also must studdyy... I MUST STUDY!!!!

im sick again... sigh.. hate the feeling of being sick.. especially the times when i cant get enough rest, and medicines dont seem to be helping abit.. Better to go see a doctor tomorrow.. think its some throat infection, cos my aunty has it now as well.

God, pls bless me as i battle this flu.. i really need to get well by this saturday.. the auditions for SFAS.. rehersals and everythin may be tough, but all these are for you God.. all these glory.. i just wanna be well soon.. so that i will be able to perform up to expectations.. and i will be able to focus back on my studies as well.. no more procrastinating... i need to focus..

o well... time to memorise the last bit of the script.. and im off to bed.. the medicine is taking effect now.. *yawns*