Disintegrate

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ooo.. been a super long time since i've last updated my blog.. cos daddy was back in singapore for 2 1/2 weeks.. so like spent lottas time with him and stuff...heehee.. really enjoyed myself alot. This is one of the most memorable trips back to singapore. WHY? cos 2005 was a real rough year for my family. Daddy lost his job, mummy fell sick, i was hospitalised twice.. and its only like half of 2005!!! but i believe all things happen for a reason.. All of these may seem tough, but all these obstacles do help mould me into a much stronger girl.. *smiles*

Fetched daddy to the airport on the 18th.. and mummy cried and cried non stop.. since sat, she's been crying.. i guess its really hard for her since daddy has always been by her side. Now, daddy have to go away and work for 2mths, and all these yrs thru their marriage, although daddy have travelled alot, but never for such a long trip.. mummy's worried about daddy's safety, about his food.. about everything.. that's why when my friends always ask me out this trip round, i didnt go out that often.. i rather spend time at home.. rotting or what.. but i just want to spend time with my mummy.. *sobs*

Went marketing with my mummy on saturday.. guess what?? thru these 19+yrs of my life, i've never gone marketing with my mummy alone, shopping or anything.. thats why it meant soo much to me this time.. like i was looking forward to it and stuff.. heee.. sound like a small girl being able to go out hey??? yyeeaa..
Me and my mummy's relationship has never been close.. i guess we are too alike.. she sees her own image in me... rebellious, stubborn.. everything?? hahahahaa.. but i guess as i mature these yrs.. i realised that although mummy has never ever changed my diapers, never brought me out, and didnt recognised me as her daughter when i was young, it may just be she was not ready bah.. i was an unexpected baby... hehehe...

All this while.. i envy my friends.. those that are super close to their mummys.. why cant i develop the same relationship with my mummy??? why does my mum detest me? why does she favor my brother more than me? but i guess. no matter what, mummy born me out.. and im her flesh and blood.. she loves me.. but i guess, its not the way how other mothers express??

Mummy said a really touching thing to me yesterday.. was raining heavily.. and my bro was drenched in the rain.. couldnt get a bus and stuff. so called me to fetch him to his school... my mummy will always watch this Channel U show from 6-7pm.. and my bro called around that time lah.. so i just ran to her room and said "mummy, i fetch korkor to skol 1st.. he's stuck at Telok Blangah, i will come back later and fetch u to the doctor ok??" and just left her room.. my mummy off the tv and actually said she will follow me.. hahahaha...

ya.. so both me and my mum left to fetch my bro.. and he was drenched.. mum was screaming at him for not bringing a brolly and stuff.. but after that, she tell me "korkor like doesnt have many shorts.. we go buy for him some day ok??" i admit, i was feeling abit jealous.. all these while, mummy loves my bro more than me.. but yah.. i was being childish lah.. hahahaha...

on the way home, mummy suddenly said "lucky i follow u.. if not rain soo heavily.. what if anything happen to u how? u are my flesh and blood... mummy can dont watch show.. but mummy dont want anything to happen to u or korkor.. u every time come back soo long when fetch korkor to school, then always say u get lost cos u dont know how to come back.. rain soo heavily.. mummy dont feel safe letting u go yourself...."

these few words.. just really... aiks.. i cried in the car.. but of cos not in front of my mummy.. mummy dont really talk to me.. and she suddenly said such stuff. i just wanted to hug her and kiss her.. but i guess she will say im siao.. so i didnt.. *grinz*

Now i know.. no matter how bad the relationship a parent and a child can be.. no matter what, the parent would want the child to be safe and happy.. i've seen it from my mummy.. i love my mummy lotss.. gonna miss her when i go back to perth.. but i will be looking forward to come back in December for her and daddy!!! heheee